


The Allocation War

by Anonymous



Series: Norwegian Nights [62]
Category: Eurovision Song Contest RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-26
Updated: 2009-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-30 17:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18320306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: The Allocation Draw of the Eurovision goes horribly wrong...





	The Allocation War

Lena and Stefan looked up at the building. The Espirit Arena. They were here again.  
They were in Dusseldorf again for the allocation draw, as Azerbaijan and Armenia were becoming increasingly hostile and it would be easier for everyone to hold the draw in Germany, than in war-torn Azerbaijan. However, despite all the tension, Armenia had agreed to be in the contest this year, but were still in the process of choosing their entrant.  
Lena Meyer-Landrut and Stefan Raab stood on the grassy path leading to the arena.  
Lena smiled as she walked up to the Dusseldorf Espirit Arena, where the Eurovision allocation draw for 2012 was due to be held.  
"Hooray!" Lena smiled, "We're here again! This can only mean that Eurovision 2012 is drawing ever closer!"  
"Remember that you're just here as an ambassador for Germany's participation in the Eurovision Song Contest," said Stefan, "God damn it, I thought we were through with this Eurovision nonsense!"  
"Don't be silly Stefan!" Lena smiled, "Besides, running Bundesvision is hardly what I would call 'through with the Eurovision', now, is it?"  
"Well, that's wonderful Lena, but nothing too bad happens in the Bundesvision," Stefan said, "Aliens and Baader-Meinhof can be dealt with... you saw what Kaliopi did, didn't you? It was all over the news!"  
"That doesn't matter right now!" Lena said, "Besides, we don't know the whole story behind that yet!"  
"I'm pretty sure that we don't need to know the whole story Lena," said Stefan, "It's pretty clear from the news what happened. So the country of Lithuania pays the price for the actions of their government..."  
"Kaliopi has all those powers, Stefan!" Lena smiled, "She can fix it! Come on already, we don't want to miss the allocation draw!"  
And so the two of them went inside the Espirit Arena.  
\----  
Lena and Stefan walked into a huge room, and found all the Eurovision entrants who had already been chosen sitting around in the room.  
"Hola Amigos!" said Pastora Soler, "What a pleasure it is to meet you!"  
"Greetings to thee," said Kaliopi, "Welcome to the Eurovision allocation draw!"  
"Thank you," Lena said, as Eva Boto walked over to them all.  
"Oh, hey Eva!" said Ivi, "Glad you could make it. I heard that you guys only chose your song yesterday."  
"Yes, that is true," Eva smiled, "But luckily I could make it here in time! Slovenia is not that far from Germany."  
"Well look who it is," Nikki said as she and Ell walked over to them.  
"Hello everyone," Ell said.  
Nikki walked over to Kaliopi, as everyone else watched.  
"Just watch this now," Maya Sar whispered to Zeljko, "Kaliopi and Nikki will be fighting by the end of this..."  
"Too bad," Zeljko whispered back, "I was hoping we could keep Kaliopi's antics here to a minimum..."  
"Well? What do you want Nikki?!" Kaliopi asked.  
"Oh, nothing much, just a question. So Kaliopi, how did it feel destroying an entire innocent country, bet it felt good, huh?" Nikki said.  
"Nay, wench," Kaliopi said, "Did it feel good dropping all those bombs on Armenia?"  
"They deserved it, Lithuania didn't."  
"Oh well, you know that we have to hold the Allocation Draw here in Germany again because Azerbaijan is such a lousy shithole!" Kaliopi yelled.  
"Don't you dare insult my country you nasty bitch!" Nikki yelled, "How fucking dare you!!! The Vatican deserved it too, by the way, especially that Pope! My only regret is that they didn't get you as well you nasty little-"  
"Shut it!!!" Kaliopi yelled.  
Suddenly, Kaliopi and Nikki were having a fight in the middle of the allocation draw stadium.  
"Fight, fight fight!" yelled Maya Sar.  
"Not good to start a fight against someone with superpowers," Ivi said, "You would have thought Nikki would know better."  
"She should know better!" Ell yelled, wondering if he should step in and break up the fight but at the same time worried about Kaliopi's many powers.  
"Don't go near them, Ell," Ivi said, "You didn't see her back in the Falklands. It's best to just let her do whatever she wants to do."  
"You've got that right, Ivi," said Rambo Amadeus.  
"Nikki doesn't have a chance against Kaliopi!" said Zeljko.  
"I feel like this should come up," said Anggun, "Kaliopi-san, as much as I respect what has happened to you in the Vatican, Lithuania's situation parallels the way my own country, Indonesia, was destroyed by Europe for no reason. Lithuanians of the world need to stand up to this tyranny!"  
"Shut up Anggun," said Nina Badric, "You'll attract Kaliopi's attention!"  
"See this is the problem, Nina-chan, Zeljko-chan," Anggun said, "You're all too scared of Kaliopi-san, we must do something to stop this instead of sitting back, watching and doing nothing! It's this mindset that allowed Lithuania, Indonesia and even Belgium to fall!"  
"Don't mention Belgium!" yelled Iris.  
"Kaliopi!" Lena yelled.  
"Can't you see I'm busy right now?" Kaliopi said.  
"Fight fight fight!!!" Maya Sar yelled again, jumping up and down with exitement as Kaliopi used her powers to fling Nikki against the wall.  
Kaliopi was angry, really angry. It was like her powers gave her this rush of anger, and of course her powers also meant that she could do something about it. Nikki was laying on the floor now in front of Kaliopi. Ell was really worried now.  
"Stop it Kaliopi!!" Ell yelled, running over to her.  
"Kaliopi-san! Learn some restraint!" Anggun yelled angrily.  
Ell picked Nikki up. She seemed to be okay, she was a little shaken though.  
"Oh, you're alright, thank goodness," Ell said.  
"Yeah," Nikki said, "Thanks Ell."  
"Ok," Ell said, "So after that... um... display, let's begin... the Eurovision 2012 Allocation Draw! The countries who have chosen their singers so far are, Albania, Belgium, Switzerland, Montenegro, Cyprus, Denmark, Macedonia..."  
"Boooo!" yelled Nikki, "Kaliopi you stink!!!"  
"Uh... Bosnia-Herzegovina," Ell continued, ignoring Nikki, "Serbia, Croatia, Slovenia, Turkey, France... and Spain! Bloody hell, that's a lot already..."  
"Nikki you horrid wench!" Kaliopi yelled and she used her powers to make one of the pictures float off the wall and flung it at Nikki.  
"Not again," Zeljko said, "Please, not again."  
But Kaliopi just flung more pictures around.  
"No!!!" Lena yelled, "No more! Stop this now, no fighting in the Espirit Arena! Why can't we just all get along?!"  
"We cannot," said Kaliopi, "But I shall honour your request, German."  
And so Kaliopi used her powers to repair the picture and put it back on the wall, and she then walked outside, using her powers to make Nikki float after her, before tossing her into the nearby grass.  
Everyone else was running outside to watch the fight.  
"Fight!" yelled Maya Sar, "Ahahahaha!"  
"No!" Lena said, "I didn't mean you should go outside and fight! Stop this now!"  
"Come on Nikki, let's go back inside," Ell said.  
"Fine," Nikki growled, before glaring at Kaliopi.  
"Hahaha," Kaliopi laughed.  
"If you didn't have your powers I would end you!!!" Nikki yelled, as the entrants all went back inside.  
\----  
Meanwhile, Can Bonomo was waiting outside the back entrance of the Espirit Arena. He could look inside the window and see the Eurovision entrants inside. He knew his mission, to stop Kaliopi at all costs. But he was worried about the other people who were inside.  
"Oh well," Can said to himself, "I have been given a mission by the Tecko Empire and I must fufill my mission for the glorious Empress Hadise! Even if the Eurovision is to be stopped this year, we have all saved ourselves from the Golden One's tyranny..."  
And so he picked up a grenade from his pocket, pulled the pin out of it, and flung it through the open window.  
"What have I done now..." Can thought to himself.  
\----  
The Eurovision entrants looked in shock as a grenade flew threw the open window, landing on the floor.  
"Holy shit is that..." Ivi began.  
"A grenade!!!" Zeljko yelled. He recognised grenades because Croatia used to drop massive crates of grenades from their planes all over Belgrade in the Yugoslav Wars.  
"Worry not!" said Kaliopi as she used her powers to lift the grenade from the ground and put a force field around it, so that it exploded inside the force field and damaged nothing and no one.  
\----  
Now the entrants were left to wonder who the hell would put a grenade through the window.  
Nikki pointed at Kaliopi, of course.  
"I bet it was her who threw that grenade through the window!" yelled Nikki, "Yeah! With her powers! She made that grenade and then got rid of it so that she could play the hero!"  
"Shut up Nikki!" Ell yelled, "Forget about the grenade! Now then, the results of this years running order have been randomly decided. We hope that everyone is pleased with the results."  
And so Ell gave everyone in the room a piece of paper with the running order of the 2010 Eurovision semi-finals and the final.  
Kaliopi looked down at the paper.  
"Well at least we are not in the semi finals with the enemy countries of Greece and Cyprus..." Kaliopi said, upon seeing that Greece and Cyprus were in the first semi final and that she was in the second.  
"Hey!" Ivi yelled.  
"Nothing personal Ivi, it's just that we are enemies forever..." Kaliopi said.  
Then Kaliopi saw another country in the second semi-final. A country with a flag of yellow, green and red.  
"What?!" Kaliopi yelled, "We're in the same semi-final as Lithuania?! How dare YOU! I demand that this is changed post-haste!"  
"Uh... we're really sorry K...Kaliopi, but it has already been decided that...uh... it is random, you know..." Ell said, moving behind one of the couches, and away from Kaliopi.  
"God damn it," Kaliopi sighed.  
"Baka Kaliopi-san!!! How dare you moan about Lithuania when it was MY country, Indonesia, that was destroyed?!" Anggun yelled.  
Everyone else in the room knew that it was the wrong thing to say to the super-powered Macedonian.  
"How dare you!!! I lost the Vatican!!!" Kaliopi screamed, "That was all I knew, you unsufferable French wench!!!!! THOU ART AN IMBECILE!!!"  
"What?! I am not French! I am Indonesian!!!" Anggun yelled back.  
"Fight, fight, FIGHT!" Maya Sar yelled, jumping up and down.  
"Oh no, not again," Lena sighed.  
"Guys, let's all calm down," Eva said, "Let's have peace. Between all people. Between all nations. Between all countries."  
Kaliopi only laughed.  
"Eva Boto you seem to think that life is all peaches and cream!" Kaliopi said, "But remember that it was America who brought the joy to the world!"  
"Yes," said Rambo Amadeus, "It was America who brought peace to all ex-Yugoslavia, and America who brought peace to all the world. America is the most beloved country out of all the countries."  
"Are you being sarcastic with that one?" Zeljko said. Rambo just grinned.  
"Things are great with or without America," said Eva Boto, "I don't see why everyone is making such a big fuss."  
"No Eva! Things are great BECAUSE of America!" Kaliopi said, "Well of course you are right that everyone is great but that is only because of the grand sacrifices that America has made! America's great shield of justice stands tall for all nations under threat, the American eagle standing proud for Macedonia, makes me feel real pride in the red, white and blue! The free patriot country who stands up for the rights of all!"  
"Um... ok," Ell said, "Now can we please continue with the-"  
"As a supporter of the Second Ammendment I believe everyone has the right to bear arms!" Kaliopi said, "America has brought to the world many great things such as the Bill of Rights and the constitution!"  
"Amen to that," said Rambo Amadeus, "And god bless America!"  
"Everyone just loves America!!!" said Maya Sar.  
"In Germany we also love America," said Lena.  
"Stop talking about America!!! I despise America!!!!" yelled Nikki, "America is just Armenia with some letters changed around!!!! I am from Azerbaijan, we hate Armenians!!!!"  
\-----  
Can Bonomo had been found standing outside the stadium and Kaliopi had brought him inside.  
"So," Kaliopi said, "It was you who threw the grenade, was it not?"  
"It... it was Empress Hadise!" Can yelled, "She wanted... I was... just following orders..."  
"Yeah yeah," Kaliopi said, "They tried that one at Nuremburg, and it didn't fucking work now, did it?"  
"Well, I, uh... you know," Can stammered, "Well... I..."  
"Nevermind that," Ell said, "Kaliopi, you fixed the grenade situation anyway. Can we just get on with the allocation draw please? No more drama."  
"Very well," Kaliopi said, "But Can, do not do anything like this again. Remember, I am watching you."  
"Ok," Can said, "Let's be friends from now on."  
"Sure thing Can," Kaliopi said, "Now Ell, the draw?"  
"Yes," Ell said, "Ok so we have drawn all the countries and their positions. Everyone, collect your paper to find out your position in the big event in May!"  
Everyone collected their papers and saw what the running order was. Some were happy, others not so happy. This sure had been an eventful allocation draw. Ell just hoped that the actual event wouldn't have as much drama and mayhem as this draw had.


End file.
